


Star Crossed

by Capstar98



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Angst, Caring Bones, Gen, Hurt Jim, Hurt/Comfort, Protective Bones, Tarsus IV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-06
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2019-01-30 03:06:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 21,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12644883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Capstar98/pseuds/Capstar98
Summary: A new mission on a planet struck with revolution will have Jim Kirk facing demons he thought he had put behind him long ago. When he meets an old acquaintance, Jim will have to struggle to make the toughest choice of his life.





	1. Chapter 1

Leonard McCoy was on a mission. He had already searched the ship once for his disappearing pain-in-the-ass captain, and so far had been met with only a crumbling bread trail as to where he really was. The bridge crew said he was in engineering, engineering said he was in the science department, and the science department said he was in the mess hall. But Jim wasn't in any of these places. There was only one place left to check.

He knocked on the door of Jim's quarters loudly and listened for movement on the other side. Leonard heard a soft rustling of movement and cursed the thought that he hadn't looked here first. He had asked for Jim to get some rest, he just didn't believe that his friend would actually listen to him.

The door slid open to Jim's tired face. It annoyed McCoy to no end that even though they were on a run of the mill milk run – delivering meds to ships and planets in the Lega system, which had been suffering under the effects of a virus – Jim seemed more tired than ever. His paperwork, which had been piling up for the last several weeks because of some more exciting landing missions, was now being rushed to be completed.

Jim stepped back and walked back over to his desk, which was piled up with PADDs. He sighed. "Bones, I know what you're gonna say. I just don't have the time right now, okay?"

McCoy scowled. "Yeah, that's not gonna be good enough. You might be busy, but so am I. I had to go looking all over this damn ship just to find you."

"And whose fault is that? You told me to go to my quarters, so I did."

"I told you to get some rest. Which this does not look much like," McCoy growled, gesturing towards the desk.

Jim pinched the bridge of his nose with two fingers, and McCoy's gaze softened for a moment. Usually when he did that it meant he was suffering from one hell of a migraine. But then he remembered that it probably wouldn't have affected him as much if he'd done as McCoy had asked him and slept, and he crossed his hands over his chest. "Please, Bones, I –"

"Yeah, I get it. I'm only your doctor. No need to listen to me." Jim looked up at him, opening his mouth to respond, but McCoy cut him off before he could start. "Look, I only came here to give you this." He pulled out a hypo from his med bag, and Jim pushed his chair away. McCoy rolled his eyes. "It's just a vaccine. The one for the virus. Almost everyone on the ship's got it except for you."

What McCoy wasn't going to tell him was that it was mixed with a light painkiller. After the events on the last planet Jim had broken a few ribs, and while they were healing fine, he knew they had to be a bitch. And the last thing Jim was going to do was ask for help.

Jim ran a hand through his hair. "Fine. Just… get it over with, will you?" McCoy stepped forwards, and before Jim could even react the vaccine was in his bloodstream.

He put the empty cartridge in his bag and looked at Jim for a moment, who was looking back at him now with a steely gaze. They stayed that way for a moment until McCoy asked, "By the way, when's the last time you ate? You look horrible."

"Aww, thanks Bones. I live for your compliments. Light of my day."

"Don't try to get out of this. I better see you at dinner."

"Yeah, love you too," Jim chirped, suddenly seeming a little lest tired. Probably the painkillers doing their job. The younger man turned back to his desk and picked up a PADD.

"Bitch," McCoy muttered, shaking his head as he exited. But before he could even leave the room, he heard the beep that meant a message was coming in for Jim from the bridge.

"Kirk here," Jim said after he had answered the call.

"Captain," McCoy heard Spock's voice. "Your presence is needed on the bridge. We have just received a new mission from Starfleet."

"Understood," Kirk replied. "I'll be up there in a minute." He ended the transmission and looked up at McCoy. "Better come with, Bones. Spock sounded pretty tight."

"He always sounds tight. And what happened to the directive we're supposed to be doing?"

Jim grinned. "At least I won't have to deal with any of this shit anymore," he said, looking down at the desk. An excited glint was shining in his eye.

"You're gonna have to do it eventually."

"Nah, I'll just have Spock do it. He hates it when things are late."

McCoy shrugged, and allowed himself to be pulled into the hall with his friend.


	2. Chapter 2

Jim stepped onto the bridge, walking up to where Spock was sitting in the captain's chair. Once seeing him, Spock rose from the chair and met him at the base of the stairs.

"Captain," he said, "Admiral Marcus is awaiting your hail. He wishes to discuss the mission with you."

"Alright. Uhura, can you get him on the line?"

"Already on it, sir," Uhura replied with a swish of her ponytail.

Jim sat down in his favorite chair and only had to wait a few moments before Admiral Marcus' face appeared on screen. "Admiral," he greeted.

"Captain Kirk," Marcus replied with a nod. "As your first may have informed you, we've got a new mission for you."

"Yes sir. He just told me."

"We know you're in the Lega system, delivering meds."

"That's right, sir."

"Have you heard of a planet M-342? It's more commonly referred to as Georgianna."

Jim looked back at Spock, who informed him, "Georgianna is a planet close to our location. We are scheduled to deliver them medications for the virus two days from now."

"Well," Marcus said, shifting in his seat, "We need you to skip up to them. There's quite a problem going on down there. To put it shortly, a man named Fathigh Kabul has waged a revolution. He's taken the capital city as a hostage, and claims that he'll blow up everyone in it if he doesn't get what he needs."

"And what's that?" Kirk asked.

"He wants full control of the planet with our assistance, entrance to the federation, and the export of all dilithium crystals to be redirected to Georgianna."

"That's all?" Jim muttered sarcastically. Marcus continued talking.

"You're the closest, and frankly the most well suited to deal with this. All we need you to do at the moment is arrange to speak with Kabul. Get him to talk about his plans, learn the extent of his power, and then report back to us. We'll tell you where to take it from there."

"Yes, sir."

"Kirk," Marcus said, and Jim looked back up at him. "Georgianna has a history of violence, and of dealings with the Romulans. We don't want them a part of the federation if we can help it." Jim nodded, and Marcus looked to the side before the transmission was cut.

"Spock?" Jim called out.

"Yes, sir."

"How far are we from Georgianna?"

"25.3 hours away travelling at Warp 3."

"Great. Bones – "

"He's gone downstairs, sir," Uhura informed him. "There was an accident on Deck 6 – one of the engineers punctured a lung, and they needed his assistance in surgery."

Jim nodded, and pulled out a PADD. He'd need to read up on Georgianna before he said anything more.

______________________________________

Three hours later, and Jim had gone through everything he could think of in regards to Georgianna and to the resistance leader Kabul. There hadn't been much, but it would have to do. He stood and handed control back to Spock. His head felt like it was about to explode again, and he was constantly bringing his fingers up to the bridge of his nose, willing his brain to take a chill pill already. He walked down to the mess hall and looked around for Bones, spotting him at their usual table in the far corner. Bringing over a tray of replicated beef stew and cherry pie, he sat across from his friend.

"'Bout time you showed up," Bones said through the sandwich in his mouth. He looked down at Jim's plate and raised an eyebrow before flicking a carrot over from his tray to Jim's. "Nice food combo," he commented before taking another bite.

"You know it," he responded. "It's all about sensory mapping."

Bones rolled his eyes. "So what did Marcus want? I had to leave before he actually said anything."

"Oh, yeah. There's this planet, Georgianna, and we're supposed to go down and stop a revolution from destroying their capital city."

Bones grunted. "That doesn't sound too hard."

"All in a day's work, Bones." They ate for a while, discussing Georgianna. Then Jim put his spoon down and pinched his nose again as a tray clattered at the other end of the room.

Bones looked across the table at him in concern. "Are you okay?"

Jim gritted his teeth. "I think the meds you gave me wore off."

The older man frowned in surprise. "How did you – you know what, never mind. I don't really care." He sighed. "Do you need more?"

Jim breathed out in a steady hiss through his teeth, fighting against the torment in his skull as the mess hall's volume only seemed to increase. It took all his willpower to nod. He didn't want Bones to know how bad it was, but he was never going to be able to do anything like this.

Bones looked ruefully at his own half-finished plate before picking up Jim's and leading him back to his quarters.

When they arrived, Jim sat heavily on the bed, closing his eyes and hearing Bones put down the tray on his desk.

"Okay, here you go. I'm giving you a sedative too. No – don't complain. I know you haven't been sleeping enough. We've got a day, and you should be rested for this revolution thing."

Jim could hardly protest. He kicked off his shoes and lay calmly on the bed as the lights were turned low. He felt a prick at his neck, and drifted off.


	3. Chapter 3

McCoy shook his head as he walked out of Jim's quarters for the second time that day. The kid could be too stubborn sometimes.

His thoughts drifted as he walked back to medical, mostly focused on the surgery he had performed on Ensign Frances Gerals and the summary he had just bothered to read on the mission they had been assigned. Gerals had been stupid enough to crawl around on a catwalk with no shoes on, and had slipped on a wet patch. Apparently she had removed her shoes on a dare earlier that day. She had fallen from the catwalk and punctured a lung. After getting her out of surgery, McCoy had made her promise to wear her frickin' shoes, already.

As for the mission, he had to say it looked more interesting than what they were doing at the moment. At the same time, he wasn't keen on anything that would certainly result in Jim's being hurt in some way. His friend had been stressed enough lately without this added hassle.

But then again, the action of simply going planet side would probably deal with a lot of that stress. Jim was strange that way. Anything that would make a normal man stress out – for example the hostage taking of an entire city by a revolutionary group – forced him to level his head and calmed him down. Tedious amounts of paperwork, on the other hand, would rocket those stress levels to unwanted highs. That's when Jim was his most annoying. Spock too. Even if he didn't want to admit it, the hobgoblin liked his bit of action.

But he had his own paperwork to deal with, no matter how badly he wanted to blow it off. He had to reorganize the distribution of the meds, check up on patients, and sign off on the requests for new procedures. It was gonna be a long day.

McCoy awoke abruptly to a knock on the door. He must have fallen asleep at his desk. He rubbed a hand over his face and groaned. But before he could answer the knock, the door opened and Jim skipped in, a grin on his face.

"Geez, Bones, were you sleeping?" He snorted, but his gaze was soft. "And here you are trying to tell me to take care of myself."

McCoy waved him off. "What doya want?" he slurred, his brain still trying to wake up. He reached for his ever present cup of coffee, but stopped before the mug reached his mouth, grimacing as he realized the drink was ice cold.

"We're a couple hours away from Georgianna. We're gonna send down a landing party to talk to the rebels, and I want you on it." Jim stuck his hands in his pockets and shifted his feet a little. "We can still deliver them the drugs they need. Actually, I've been thinking of using them as some kind of bribe for their cooperation."

McCoy's sleepy brain took a moment to digest that. "You want me down there?"

"Yeah, I just said that."

He sighed. Stopping rebellions wasn't exactly his idea of a good time. But he hadn't gone down anywhere for a while. He needed to stretch his legs, and this seemed like a pretty good opportunity. Plus, if Jim was gonna twist an ankle or something, it would be better if he was there to deal with it.

He nodded. "Alright."

Jim grinned again, his eyes sparkling. He looked surprisingly well rested. "Awesome! I'll see you in the transporter room in a few hours." With that he turned around and left the room.

McCoy sighed and turned back to his desk. He needed some coffee for this.

After getting said coffee and checking up once again on all three patients in sick bay, he heard another announcement over the comms with Jim's voice on the other end. It was time for the landing party. He grabbed his medkit and slung it over his shoulder, stuffing a few extra hypos in as he left medical. You could never be too careful.

Before he knew it he, Jim, Uhura, and two security guards – Unders, and Little – were being beamed down to the planet. As he felt the unnerving sensation of the transport, he strained his hands into fists and fought against a rising nausea.

God, will I ever get over this?

"Okay, the capitol city is right over that ridge," Jim said loudly to the group. "Keep your phasers out but don't harm anyone unless you have to. We don't want to scare them."

The ridge, which turned out to be the top of a hill overlooking the city, spread out in front of them the carnage of the revolution.

It was horrible.

Fires burned at every end of the city. Occasionally a gunshot rang out, or screams. Entire buildings seemed to have collapsed, perhaps from bombs. And surrounding the perimeter of the whole city were hundreds of guards, each armed with a rifle. They were keeping the city hostage.

McCoy felt the breath rush out of his lungs. No matter how much carnage he'd seen in his life, he could never get used to it.

He didn't expect Jim to fall to his knees in front of him.

Little rushed forwards, but Leonard was there first.

He put a hand on Jim's shoulder. The captain was already hoisting himself to his feet, brushing the dirt from his pants.

"I'm fine, Bones. I just – tripped." The party started moving down the hill towards the city.

"Jim," he warned.

Jim swallowed uncomfortably. "It just reminds me… I'm fine," he repeated, his face stony.

McCoy frowned, and looked back down at the city. Then it hit him. Tarsus. He turned back to Jim, but he was already halfway down the hill with the rest of the landing party.

Shaking his head, he followed them down.


	4. Chapter 4

The inside of the city was horrible.

They had reached the perimeter with no problem, and a group was waiting for them as Kabul had promised in their communication.

The streets were relatively deserted, save for the soldiers under Kabul's command and several survivors running from place to place. Several faces stared at them through windows as they passed.

Nyota fought the urge to gasp and bring a hand to her face when they reached the second block. Several dead bodies were decomposing on the side of the street, bugs fluttering around them. The takeover had obviously not been peaceful. She swallowed roughly, and looked around at the rest of the group. Unders looked green, and Little also looked like he was fighting the urge to lose his lunch. McCoy was looking around stony faced, only his eyes reflecting the horror he saw. Jim only stared at the bodies impassively for a moment, and then looked up again, motioning for their guard to keep moving.

The Central Palace was located in the center of the city, with gleaming white walls despite the ash swirling around it. Dark revolution flags were hanging over the usual red and yellow ones. The building was surrounded with even more guards. However, the inside of the building looked just as pristine as it would have when the city was under government control. That is, except for the throne that had been pushed to the ground and the bullet holes in several of the walls. It looked like the resistance didn't have the technology for phasers, and were using old-fashioned guns.

As they entered a back room, a man wearing a horrible satin gown stood up from his chair and gave them a small smile.

"Captain Kirk!" He greeted, spreading his arms wide. "Starfleet has come to us at last." With this comment came the noise of what sounded like someone holding something over their mouth while they screamed. Startled, Uhura looked around, her phaser drawn in front of her. The noise was coming from another corner of the room where a man was tied and gagged to a chair. Four guards stood around him. Kabul smiled wider. "Don't mind him; he's harmless."

"Kabul!" Kirk growled. "You told us you wouldn't harm him!"

"And he's perfectly unhurt. I don't play with my food, Captain."

Stunned, Nyota turned back to the man tied up in the chair. It must have been the king! She stepped closer to Jim, her heart beating loudly in her chest.

"You've really got something going here, don't you?" Jim asked, scowling. "How did you get this many people to join your crack haired scheme?"

"Now, now, Kirk, you cannot attribute all of this to me. I had help."

"Why would you admit that?"

"Why wouldn't I?" Kabul countered, his eyes glinting darkly. "Now you know there's one more person you should be concerned about."

"And who is this helper?" Jim asked.

"He'll show himself eventually," the resistance leader assured him. "Now, if you'll walk with me over to King Draken, I'd like to explain a few things to you."

The group followed cautiously. Nyota noted that Jim seemed to be checking over his shoulder every other moment now.

As they approached the King, the guards moved themselves away. Kabul placed a hand on Draken's shoulder, and the older man flinched violently, moaning from underneath his gag.

"You're right, Captain Kirk," Kabul began, "we do have a strong resistance. But for good reason." He paused. "I've worked hard all my life, as my father did before me, and his father before them. But all my family has ever managed to achieve is the development of a single farm outside of the city.

"Five years ago, there was a terrible famine here. All of our crops died, as did both of my parents. I lost all of my money, and my farm. But even as I lived on the streets of the capital, I was reassured. The king," he paused, shifting his hold on Draken's shoulder. "Had promised us that we would be protected, and that he would help us.

"But he never helped us. He sat in his palace and ate the fruits of our labors. So I helped myself, as did everyone else who supports me. We saw our chance for change and took it." He smiled. "And now, I am the one wearing the silk! We are the ones with the power for change! And we'll have it," he added darkly.

"Great story," Kirk countered. "Now can you tell us any real reasons to help you?"

Kabul's smile faded. "Yes, I think I can think of a few." Before anyone could react, even Jim, he had put a pistol to the King's temple, and a shot rang out. Draken's blood splattered against the floor, and against them.

Uhura unfroze herself a second after the others, and turned her phaser to the guards surrounding them. But there were many more there than the four that had been guarding the king. There had to be at least fifteen, all holding guns pointed at their heads.

Jim snarled, his own phaser directed at Kabul himself, who seemed unfazed.

"Captain, be careful," he warned. "If you want your friends to keep their brains off the floor, I'd recommend standing down. We're all excellent shots."

"Is this really how you want to act?" Jim tried, forcing his voice to calm. "We're trying to help you!"

Kabul chuckled. "Yes, I'm sure you are."

Suddenly a loud blast went off, and Uhura looked around frantically. One of the guards had been shot with a phaser. Seconds later, the sound of a gun fired off. Unders was lying on his back, blood streaming out of the back of his head. Nyota clapped a hand over her mouth, her gaze locked on the body.

Jim was white faced.

McCoy raced forwards and kneeled to check his pulse. Shaking his head, he yelled, "You fuckers! What did that do for you?"

"McCoy," Jim growled. "Be quiet."

"Now Captain," said Kabul, "Are you going to cooperate, or are you going to watch your team die?"

"You need us you little shit!" the captain roared. "What about the virus you and your planet are not immune to? You cooperate, we give you the drugs!"

Kabul looked at him impassively before shooting Little.

"Fuck!" Jim snarled. "Stand down, now!" He barked to the rest of them.

Uhura looked at him incredulously. He was giving up?

"Jim," McCoy growled, not dropping his weapon.

"Lower your weapon, doctor. That is an order."

Shaking with fury, his eyes darting between the two fallen soldiers, McCoy lowered his weapon to his side. Uhura did the same.

Almost immediately, the group closed in on them. In a flurry of almost unfollowable activity, the side of Kirk's head was hit by the butt of Kabul's gun. McCoy cried out, his hand stretching towards his friend. Uhura raced forwards, but hands grabbed her shoulders and arms and pulled her back roughly, securing her wrists in iron manacles. McCoy was likewise restrained.

They were going in opposite directions.

"Jim!" McCoy yelled, his face a mixture of hatred and anguish.

Jim didn't respond; his head lolling on his shoulders as a door slammed shut in front of him.

Uhura and McCoy were thrown into another cell, the iron door's clash seemingly condemning their fate.


	5. Chapter 5

Jim awoke to a throbbing pain in the back of his head and the voices of several people floating above his head. He tried to move his arms up and grunted when he found they were tied to the table he was lying on. Realizing the situation he was in, his heart began to beat faster as the room came into focus.

Three men were standing around where he lay, and beyond them lay an open, bright room, with tables covered in an assortment of tools. He heard banging in another room and a hoarse voice calling his name.

"Bones!" he called out, damn the consequences.

The banging stopped for a moment before Bones yelled again, "Jim?"

Jim opened his mouth to respond but was cut off by a blow to his rib cage, rushing the air out of his lungs.

"Glad to know you're awake," the guy standing in the front said to him. His face was bearded.

"Jim!"

"This must be a little… stressful for you, I'd imagine." the Beard continued, "This not going as planned?" He brought another fist down on Jim's face and Jim couldn't help the groan that left his mouth.

Jim looked up at him coldly. "Actually," he told Beardy, spitting blood into the man's face, "This is going exactly how I thought."

Instead of getting mad, the Beard only laughed. "Good, good. I'm guessing you know what's coming next?"

Jim gritted his teeth but didn't respond.

"We've just got a couple things we'd like you to tell us about."

"I'm not telling you anything, you piece of shit."

Beard smiled. "We'll see." He reached for something on the table that looked like a kind of clamp. His heart racing, but face set in stone; Jim clenched his fists, trying his best to keep his fingernails away from the metal instrument. But try as he might, his captor opened his hand and attached the clamp to the end of his finger.

Pain flared white hot and seemed to radiate down his hand, but while he sweated, Jim said nothing.

Beard considered him for a moment before nodding to his companions, and before Jim could react a knife was sticking out of his arm.

That was when he screamed.

_________________________________________________

"Leonard, stop throwing yourself against that thing! The door's not moving. You'll just hurt yourself, and then what good would you be to Jim?"

McCoy turned to Uhura and glared at her. She flinched, but he was too worried about Jim and too angry with Starfleet to care. He rammed his body against the door for the fiftieth time and the metal shuddered slightly beneath him.

"Jim!" he called out. "Jim!"

He continued for what seemed like forever before hearing a muffled, "Bones!" The sound was coming from the room next to theirs. McCoy changed tactics and rammed his fists against the wall instead, trying to let Jim know that he was there.

"Jim!"

There was only silence, and McCoy's heart rate skyrocketed. He heard Uhura come up to the wall beside him and place an ear against it, listening for anything.

There were muted thumps of what sounded like punches. "Jim!"

Suddenly a raw scream pierced the air, and McCoy's heart froze in his chest.

"No," he breathed.

The next few hours were torture, even if he wasn't the one with Kabul's thugs.

He screamed Jim's name as the young captain yelled and cursed. Over time, both men's calls grew quieter – McCoy's throat was dry as parchment, and the doctor didn't want to know what Jim was going through.

Uhura sat white faced and tight-lipped the entire time, her arms wrapped around her chest.

Finally, the yells tapered off completely and McCoy heard a shuffling at the door. Jim was thrown in without ceremony. McCoy rushed forwards just in time to keep Jim's head from bashing the floor.

He looked horrible. His shoulder looked disjointed; three fingernails were missing from his hands; his left arm was bent unnaturally; and blood poured from both a cut through his arm and one in his stomach.

He heard Uhura gasp as she landed on Jim's other side, and felt similarly.

McCoy put his hands around his friends face and Jim's eyes fluttered open, their lashes stained with blood.

"'Ones" he breathed.

"I'm here, Jim. I'm not gonna let them take you back, I promise." He quickly tore the sleeves from his shirt and tied them around both wounds, which rapidly stained with his blood. Jim gritted his teeth as McCoy wrapped the broken bone tightly, trying to keep it stable.

Jim chuckled and McCoy was horrified to see blood bubble on his lips. "He doesn't even fucking want anything."

"What d'you mean?"

"They said… they wanted something. They didn't ask… a single question."

Leonard's heart throbbed. "We'll get out of this Jim."

"It's my fucking fault."

"Don't say that!"

Jim inhaled deeply, his breath rattling. "You wouldn't be here – I didn't think –"

"Stop, Jim! This isn't your fault, goddamnit!"

McCoy almost didn't believe his eyes when he saw Jim pushing himself to his feet. "What are you doing!? There's a hole in your gut for Christ's sake!"

"We… need to get out of here."

"No shit, Sherlock."

"Wait, stop!" It was the first time Uhura had spoken since Jim had come into the room, and both men turned towards her. "What is that?" she asked, her voice small. She pointed to Jim's back.

McCoy sped around to look at what she was talking about and frowned at what he saw. A small metal circle was attached to Jim's neck, protruding slightly from the skin. He prodded it gently and Jim fell to his knees, biting his lip to hold back a scream.

"Jim? What is it?"

"It hurts you stupid shit," Jim bit out, but McCoy ignored him.

"What the hell?" he muttered. "This thing looks like it goes deep. I can't just pull it out. It could be going all the way down to the bone."

"What the hell is it?" Jim asked desperately.

"I don't know! Do you remember them putting it in?"

"No! I was too busy thinking about the knife in my gut." As if on cue, Jim's face turned stark white and he brought his good arm up to his chest. McCoy raced forwards to support him before he fell and gently lowered him to the ground again.

"Jesus Jim, be careful. You'll only hurt yourself more."

Uhura walked up closer to Jim to look at the piece of metal and said carefully, "It looks like some kind of communications device. That symbol there is something you see on a lot of communications hard drives."

"Well what is it doing in my neck!?"

"I…" Uhura stopped, her already pale face draining. "But that's impossible," she breathed.

"What? What is?" McCoy demanded.

Nyota swallowed nervously and looked at both McCoy and Kirk. "I – I think they're trying to connect to his brain."


	6. Chapter 6

There was silence before Jim said, "What?"

"You heard me. I said they're trying to connect to your brain!" Uhura shook her head. "I've seen this once before, when we were studying at the academy. But they weren't successful."

"You're saying that thing's plugged into his brain?" Bones asked incredulously.

"Yes. I – I mean, it might not be. You never know."

Jim's eyes were wide, and he was frozen for a moment before pushing away again from Bones. A gentle hand stopped him before he could move much, but he pushed that away as well and rose slowly, Bones cursing him as he went. His whole body ached, and it felt like fires were burning in his stomach and his arm. Why the fuck they had bothered to rough him up in the first place was beyond him. Obviously with this brain thing they would be able to get anything they wanted from him.

He took a stepped forward and stumbled a bit. New pain erupted in his chest and he put a stabilizing hand on the wall, his eyes swimming.

Bones was on him in an instant. "Jim?"

"I'm fine, Bones."

"Like hell you are. But there's nothing I can do about that is there?"

Not for the first time, guilt rose in Jim's chest. He shouldn't have brought Bones along. It had been a selfish thing, really, and now his friend was paying the price.

He pulled in a long breath and settled his feet. Time to get this done. He approached the metal door and felt his fingers along the edge. The door was thick and solid as a rock, and there was barely a crack between the door and the wall. The lock was on the other side, and there was nothing but blank metal on their side. He punched the door in frustration, then immediately regretted it.

"Not gonna work, kid," Bones said solemnly. "I tried hard enough trying to get to you."

Jim looked into his eyes for a moment and then away. He knew Bones hated it when he was hurt. But it's not like he could very often prevent it. No matter what people said, he didn't go looking for trouble. Trouble came looking for him.

Suddenly there were sounds behind the door, and Jim stepped back quickly into his friend.

The door opened and light framed four figures: Kabul, one of the thugs that had been in the other room with Jim, and two other armed guards.

"Captain," said the man in the middle, Kabul. "Come with us."

Bones growled. "So you call him captain and then cut him with a knife. How civilized."

"As is your demeanor, doctor. Now come, Kirk."

"Like hell he's going with you!" Bones stepped in front of him and spread his arms.

Kabul nodded one of the guards, and, faster than Jim's weakened body could respond, the doctor was pushed hard against the wall. His head hit the metal roughly and he slid to the ground senseless.

"Bones!" he cried, reaching forwards at the same time Uhura raced to the doctor. Hands grabbed him round the middle and he could only hear Uhura yelling profanities at them before the door closed loudly.

"We've got a Vulcan to talk to," Kabul growled.

"Fuck you."

"Now, now, Kirk. Be civil."

"You start."

They stopped in front of a view screen and Kabul left Jim a bit out of view. He nodded to another soldier and Spock's face appeared on the screen.

Jim's heart thudded in his chest and he struggled against the hold of his captives to be seen. He was held back, and a hand covered his mouth to keep him from crying out.

"Commander Spock."

"Fathigh Kabul. Where is the Captain?"

Kabul looked back at Jim and gave him a small smile, and without knowing why, Jim's heart froze in his chest. This wasn't going to be good.


	7. Chapter 7

"Chekov, have you received any transmissions from the landing party recently?" Spock asked, turning towards the ensign.

"No, sir." Chekov shook his head. "I've been working on that. Their transmissions have been out for several minutes now. I assumed it at first to be a technical glitch on our side, but after reviewing the data I think it's their communicators that are the problem."

"What do you believe is the cause?"

"Well, my first guess would be some kind of inclement weather on the planet, but there is none where they are, so that means they're either deep underground or… their communicators have been destroyed," he finished hesitantly.

Terrible possibilities flashed through Spock's mind, but he pushed them away. "Can you confirm either of those theories?"

"… Yes sir. Based on the location they were at just before the communicators went offline, it would be impossible for them to descend as far as they would need to in less than a second." He paused. "It must be the communicators."

"Very well," Spock replied stiffly before turning to the communication's officer subbing in for Nyota. "Officer Johannes, contact Kabul."

That moment, Kabul himself appeared onscreen.

"Sir, that wasn't me," Johannes warned.

"Noted."

"Commander Spock," greeted Kabul.

"Fathigh Kabul," Spock replied coldly. "Where is the captain?"

Kabul looked to the side before turning back to him. "Oh, Kirk and I had a lovely chat."

"Why did you destroy their communicators?"

"You know about that?" Kabul asked. "Huh. Well, when I say chat…"

Spock had to hold back a growl. "What have you done?"

"Let's just say that the captain is unable to speak with you at the moment, as he is unable to speak."

It was all Spock could do to keep from yelling at the man. "You must know that this action has permanently barred you from entering the federation. Neither will we deliver the vaccine for your city or the delithium with you had previously asked for. Now I order you to return the entirety of the landing party or will be forced to take violent action against you."

Kabul nodded. "Well put, Mr. Spock." He suddenly looked to his left and gave a small smile. "I guess I was wrong. He does care." Nodding, he added, "Here is your captain for you."

The bridge crew watched as Kirk was pulled into their view.

"Captain," Spock said in alarm. Jim looked awful. His face was badly bruised, and blood covered his arm and the front of his shirt.

The captain spoke quickly. "Spock, whatever happens, don't – " He suddenly doubled over as a punch hit him in the chest.

Kabul's eyes glinted coldly. "As you can see, your captain is in a quite perilous situation, as are the other 15,000 people living here in this city. The offer still stands. To put it simply: give us what we want, and we won't blow everyone up. You have one day."

The transmission cut off and the bridge crew looked around at each other warily. Spock's heart raced in his chest, thinking of their trapped crew, but outwardly he was perfectly composed. It was important at this point to let the crew think he had control of this situation.

He turned to the communications officer. "Johannes, contact Mr. Scott and tell him his presence is needed on the bridge. He will have the conn while I, along with Sulu, Jeffersons, Hanfred, and Guiders, beam down to the planet.

"Sir?" Sulu questioned.

"We are not going to let the rebels take the city. It seems almost necessary at this point that direct action is necessary," Spock responded. Sulu nodded. "We depart in four hours. Chekhov, we will need a scan of their city streets and terrain. Send them to my PADD. I need to review the particulars. Sulu, alert Jeffersons, Hanfred, and Guiders of our plan, gather your materials, and meet me at the transport room in four hours."

"Yes sir," Sulu stood, leaving the bridge.

"I have sent the scans to you, sir," Chekhov told him, and Spock nodded.

He would need to think about this. Too much depended on its success.

He stood and left the bridge, mind swirling with possible scenarios as he made his way to his quarters.


	8. Chapter 8

Four hours later, the five officers were gathered in the transporter room, aware of what they were about to attempt but somewhat hesitant about what the results would be.

They beamed to a similar spot as the one the original landing party had beamed down to. It was the same distance from the city limits, but their spot was more shrouded in trees, brush, and shade, so they would not be easily spotted by the guards.

Spock looked at each of the officers by his side before moving forwards through the trees without a sound. In his right hand he held his phaser, and his left grasped a map of the city, though he had already memorized their route. With the scans of the city they had discovered a patch of land with relatively few guards and plenty of narrow streets for them to hide in as they made their way to the palace. There, they would enter the building through a disguised side entrance, take down the threat, and release Kirk, McCoy, and Uhura from their cell. It sounded simple on paper, but Spock knew it would be more difficult to execute.

He was of course aware of the fact that his plan was going to be prone to failure. However, it was the best he could come up with under the circumstances. For some reason he wasn't able to concentrate back in his quarters, his mind constantly flickering back to the image of his friend's bloodied face.

As Jim would say, they were going to need a lot of luck.

The group reached the edge of the forested area and Spock held up a hand to stop the others, though he knew he didn't really need to. Ten feet away stood three guards, and Spock was surprised to see that they weren't looking into the forest, or even doing much guarding at all. Each held their guns in their hands, but they were pointed towards the ground. They were huddled together in a small group, talking animatedly, looking towards the city every so often.

Then suddenly they began making their way to the forest, sprinting into the cover of the trees. Alarmed, Spock signaled to his men to stun them once they came any closer. There would be less chance of Kabul discovering them if the guards were killed, but for some reason Spock suspected the three would not be returning to the city even once they woke up.

It happened fast.

The three soldiers broke into the cover of the forest, and before any of them knew what was happening, they were all down on the ground, out cold.

Without speaking again, Spock raced through the uncovered territory and into the city. He stopped just beyond the entrance, waiting for the others to come in after him.

Then they were off, racing through side streets and alleyways with help from the map as they made their way to the palace. They were almost there when there was a slight problem. One side street they had planned to use to make it to the entrance had caved in from the bombings, and was completely unpassable. The only other way to get to their entrance was to use the square: a large, open area. There they could easily be spotted from the palace.

"We'll have to go through the square," Noted Sulu.

Spock nodded. "Move as quickly as possible. We only have to cross ten meters before there is another entrance to this same alley. There, we can enter the palace through the side."

The others nodded their heads and they turned back a little ways to find the way into the square.

What they saw when they entered nearly knocked them off their feet.

They had seen bodies on the way, of course, dozens lining the streets and huddled in the dark places. But this was much worse.

In the middle of the square were hundreds of poles, each with a body tied to them. And right at the front was Fathigh Kabul.

Spock's mind reeled. How was this possible? They had only spoken to Kabul a few hours ago, and when they had the entire situation seemed locked within his grip. If he was dead, who had killed him? Who was in control now? And most importantly, what had happened to Uhura, Kirk, and Doctor McCoy?

Spock heard Sulu gag behind him, but continued onwards. They needed to be out of sight before they discussed this.

They reached the next entrance to the alley in no time and were only able to hope that they had not been spotted. Immediately Spock stopped and turned to the others. Sulu spoke first.

"That was Kabul!" He exclaimed. "What's going on?"

"I do not know," Spock replied.

"Maybe it was some kind of counter-rebellion?" Jeffersons ventured.

"But where would they get the men for that kind of a slaughter? And why are the bodies tied up?"

"Jesus, those men we saw earlier must not have been running for us, they must have been trying to get away!"

"What do we do?"

Spock thought for a moment, and looked up. "Our main priority is still to recover the away team. However, it appears we must move cautiously. There is no way to know whether the people who killed Kabul are friend or foe. Lieutenant Sulu, contact the Enterprise and tell them of the recent events. Ask them to contact the palace and see who responds. For now we will have to wait here. We cannot go in without any further knowledge of the situation."

"Aye sir," Sulu replied, pulling out his communicator and stepping away from the group. The others nodded their agreement.

A minute later, Sulu jogged back over. "Sir, I can't reach the Enterprise. I don't know what's happening but somehow the signal's being jammed."

"Then we have no choice," Spock said. "We need to enter the palace. Since we don't know about their situation, only use stun. We –" He stopped suddenly as he spotted someone over Sulu's shoulder. The group turned, their weapons aimed at the intruder.

However, as the soldier approached, Spock recognized him. He was filthy and covered in blood, but he still wore the gold captain's uniform.

"Captain?" Spock said softly.

The gun in Kirk's hand didn't falter, and Spock noted that his eyes were dull and lifeless.

The men beside him were looking to Spock for guidance, sure that their captain must be under the effects of some sort of drug, or perhaps a serious head injury. Spock was not so sure. This seemed more sinister than even that.

Before anyone could react, Kirk shot Sulu in the arm. He cried out and fell to the ground, his good arm flying to cover the area. Blood streamed from the wound, and the Lieutenant ground his teeth in pain.

Spock only looked at his captain in horror.

Kirk spoke, but when he did it seemed forced. "Come with me or the next time I shoot it'll be at your heads."

Jeffersons pulled the trigger on his phaser and the beam hit Kirk squarely in the chest. However, the captain didn't fall, and only swayed slightly before shooting Jeffersons between the eyes.

"Like I said, come with me. There's lot's we need to discuss."


	9. Chapter 9

Two Hours Earlier  
______________

Leonard came to with a vague sense that something was terribly wrong. His head throbbed, telling him that he must have some kind of concussion, and he groaned.

"Leonard! Thank God, you're awake," he heard. That sounded like Uhura. What was going on?

Suddenly it all came back to him. He bolted upright, immediately regretting that decision two seconds later. He groaned again and put a hand up to his head. Uhura was leaning over him, looking worried.

"What – where's Jim?" He asked, trying to think over the throbbing in his skull. Slowly the pain diminished and he turned to Uhura. She glanced over to the other side of the room, where Jim was lying on his back, his eyes closed. "Jim!" McCoy raced over to his friend and put two fingers on his neck, ignoring the banging in his head. He felt a pulse and fell back on his heels, relieved. "What happened?" he asked Uhura.

She swallowed. "Well when they came to get Jim again they knocked you out. Your head hit the wall there. I'm not quite sure how long they were gone, but he's been back for a while now, out cold. You've both at least been out for a few hours."

McCoy's eyebrows creased in concern as he looked down at his friend. With each rattling break Jim took, more blood bubbled up on his lips. It was probable that a rib had punctured his lung, since the knife gash was too far down to have caused that. The doctor's hands fluttered over Jim's body, for the first time in a long time not knowing what to do to help. He didn't have his medkit with him, so he was limited to what he could do with his hands. He gently pressed down on Kirk's stomach, cringing when he felt the rigidity that signaled internal bleeding. He would do anything for a medkit right now.

Suddenly steeling himself, McCoy untied the already blood soaked "bandage" from Jim's stomach and turned him onto his side, watching as the buildup of blood poured out of his side.

"What are you doing? He's bleeding more!" Uhura asked, kneeling down next to McCoy.

"His abdomen's filling up with blood. I have to get it out somehow, and it might as well be when he's unconscious." McCoy looked down at his hands, which were covered in dirt and grime and blood and who knew what else. "Shit."

"What?"

The doctor shook his head. "This isn't sterile at all. Who knows what kind of infection he could get from this."

Uhura frowned. "If you need to do it, do it. Whatever's on you is probably already in the wound."

"Yeah that doesn't exactly make me feel better." McCoy sighed. "I guess I don't have a choice." Let's just hope he doesn't wake up to this, he begged silently. Taking a deep breath, he stuck two fingers into the wound and started to scoop out the excess blood that hadn't already come out.

When he finished he slid Jim onto his back again and ripped another few strips from his uniform for a new bandage. Jim was still out cold, though his pulse had increased, signaling he was still feeling the pain.

McCoy wiped his hands off on his pants and then put his face in his palms. "Goddamnit, why does this always happen to us?"

Uhura put a hand on his shoulder gently. "He's going to be fine, Leonard. We're going to get out of this, okay?"

Suddenly McCoy noticed the rattling breaths from below them had stopped. His eyes widening, he leaned down over his friend, listening carefully for breath sounds. There were none. He put his fingers on Jim's neck and cursed. "Shit, he's got no pulse! Uhura, help me!"

Uhura scrambled to Jim's other side as McCoy started compressions on Jim's chest.

"Don't you dare do this, Jim," he hissed angrily, accentuating each word on each compression. He paused as Uhura knelt down to breathe for him. "Come on, you can't leave us like this!" McCoy didn't even know what he was without Jim. Surely he was alive purely to keep Jim breathing. If he couldn't even do that, what was he? His gut twisted savagely and his heart raced, unable to face the undesirable outcome here. Sure, he had lost patients before, and even his own father. But Jim was different. "Come on," He yelled, cringing as he felt Jim's ribs shift beneath his hands.

Then Jim's eyes flew open and he took a gasping breath. McCoy could've cried in relief. "Jim, thank God." His friend's eyes darted around the room, never landing on anything for more than a second. McCoy leaned over Jim's chest and grabbed his chin, forcing his to look in his eyes. "Jim, you're okay. You're with us." Jim's eyes settled, but his face remained curiously blank. "Jim?" The normally bright blue eyes seemed unfocused and unseeing.

McCoy started as Jim pushed him back and began to stand. "Jim, hold up! Lay back down, you're going to hurt yourself more, you stupid idiot! You just stopped breathing, goddamnit!"

Jim ignored him and stood, only turning back to him when he was fully upright, his face still blank. His mouth opened and closed strangely, as if he was trying to speak but couldn't. McCoy's heart raced – Jim hadn't been out for that long, surely there couldn't be brain damage? He put an arm on his friend's shoulder. "Jim, can you hear me? Are you okay?"

Then he was on the ground, Jim's knee in his chest. McCoy heard a gasp from Uhura. "Leonard, his neck!" McCoy looked around and his heart dropped into his stomach as he saw a little blinking red light.

"They activated it," he said brokenly.

"Yes, we did," Jim – or Jim's body – said, releasing McCoy. His voice was flat and devoid of emotion, so unlike the real Jim.

"Kabul, stop this you crazy bastard!" McCoy growled. It felt really weird to be talking to Jim and yet knowing it wasn't Jim.

"Let him go!" Uhura yelled, clenching her fists.

Jim laughed mechanically. "This isn't Kabul. I'm afraid there's been a bit of a turnover. Or at least, there will be."

"What?" McCoy frowned. "Who the fuck are you, then?"

A creepy smile formed on Jim's face. "Let's just say I've been working towards this moment for a long time. Little Jimmy's always been my greatest prize. And he sure remembers me, don't you Jimmy?" Jim's arm came up and patted his own head.

McCoy blanched and backed up a few paces. This wasn't good. In fact, it was worse than he could have imagined before. There were only a few people who would call Jim "Jimmy." He was one of them, but all the others were bloodthirsty bastards from Jim's past. "Kodos?" he asked shakily.

"No," the voice responded, and McCoy breathed a sigh of relief. But then Jim's controller continued. "Close though. Right forest, wrong tree."

Shit. McCoy cursed silently. So whoever this was, they had been on Tarsus with Jim.

Uhura turned to him, her face a mask of confusion. "Kodos?" her eyes widened. "Are you saying –?"

"Not now, Uhura," McCoy cut her off sharply.

"Ah, he didn't tell you?" Jim's body turned to face Uhura. Whoever was controlling seemed to be getting better at it by the second. Expression was making its way into Jim's voice. If the real Jim was in there somewhere, he was too weak to do anything. "Little Jimmy here was on Tarsus IV with me during the massacre. It's a touchy subject for him, I can see."

"Get out of his memories, you fuck!" McCoy cursed.

Jim's face turned his glare on him. "Jim's got quite a soft spot you, doctor. But whatever you think, he doesn't trust you, not completely. And he never will."

"Stop it!" McCoy growled, his heart twisting.

"Ah, but it's true. Now, I've got some things to accomplish, so if you'll excuse me." Jim turned to the door and knocked on it four times, the last one louder than the rest. The prison door opened and they were met with the glare of the late afternoon sun. "Kabul!" Jim called out.

The bastard was still sitting in his chair in the middle of the room. His eyes widened and he pointed to Jim. "What is he doing out of his cell!? Restrain him!" he ordered, but none of the soldiers moved. Kabul's face twisted and he looked around frantically. "Shoot him!" he ordered desperately.

Jim's arm reached out towards a soldier, who gave him his gun. "Oh, this is gonna be fun." A shot rang out and hit Kabul squarely between the eyes.

At the sound of the shot a group of soldiers raced in, their guns out and their gazes narrowing in on their fallen leader. But Jim, or whoever was controlling him, was faster. He shot wave after wave of soldiers as they came into the room, switching guns with other soldiers when he ran out of bullets. When the barrage was over, Jim didn't have another scratch on him.

"Damn, he's good!" Jim's mouth said, smiling a little. He turned the soldiers who seeed to be following his command. "Tie them –" he gestured towards Uhura and McCoy " – Up over there. They'll want to see this show, I'm sure. And tie these bodies up in the square. Let's make a statement."

Soldiers hurried around, dragging bodies out of the building and out into the palace square.

McCoy grunted as a soldier grabbed him from behind and brought him over to a set of chairs along with Uhura. Rough ropes bound them tightly to the furniture, and as the doctor tried to move he found the chair itself was attached to the floor.

Jim made his way over to the two of them. "I can see why you like him so much. Very handy in a fight, this one."

McCoy frowned. "Are you saying –?"

"Yup. That was all him." Suddenly Jim groaned and brought a hand up to his head.

McCoy's heart raced. Could Jim be fighting against whoever was controlling him? Was that even possible?

The moment was over as suddenly as it began, and the controller didn't even mention it. "Now, I'm sure you're dying to know who I am."

McCoy and Uhura didn't respond.

The controller continued anyway. "I met little Jimmy when he first arrived on Tarsus. I brought him to Kodos' house was with him for many of his lessons. And, of course, I was there after the famine began, and I was there for Jimmy's…" he paused, smiling a little. "treatment. Or should I say torture?"

The blood in McCoy's face rushed to his feet and he struggled against his bonds. "You sick bastard! Stop this!"

The voice continued as if McCoy hadn't said anything. "I was Kodos' helper, you could say. I pretended to be Jim's – or as he was known, "JT"'s – friend. And Jimmy was always Kodos' pet, but that didn't mean I didn't see the potential. After Starfleet came I ran, and I've watched him grow ever since. This rebellion seemed like the perfect opportunity. I had been developing this little puppy," he patted the back of his neck, where the controlling device was. "I assume you know what it does at this point. Unfortunately you can only control one person at a time, which is why I had to kill all those soldiers. Jim is in my control, which is something Kodos himself never accomplished. It's also the perfect human shield, if you will." He smiled. "You'd never hurt your dear captain, would you?"

McCoy growled.

"He never figured out I'd been helping Kodos." He chuckled. "But he sure knows now."

"Who are you?" Uhura asked angrily.

"My name," he replied, "Is Thomas Leighton."

McCoy's eyes widened. "No," he breathed. Leighton was a crew member of the Enterprise! Anger stirred in McCoy's gut. "How could you do this to him? He's helped you out all this time – he thought you were his friend!"

"Like I said – he never found out. And here we are."

"But where are you, really?" Uhura asked.

Leighton frowned. "Now why would I tell you that?"

"Sir!" a soldier called from across the room. Leighton turned to face him. "There's a group of Starfleet soldiers coming this way! We just saw them in the square – they're coming around to the side entrance!"

"Well I'll meet them there."

"Do you need backup?"

"No, I'll be fine on my own. JT's got quite the aim, even with a hole in his gut."

He turned and left the building, bringing a gun with him and leaving McCoy and Uhura in stunned silence behind him.


	10. Chapter 10

Leonard McCoy was not happy. Granted, he hadn't exactly expected much from this silly expedition. When Jim Kirk was involved, you learned to expect the worst, however much McCoy disliked that fact. So he wasn't entirely surprised that their rescue had ended up get captured themselves.

"Spock," he greeted as the first officer was tied up in a chair next to his.

The Vulcan's eyes slid over to the doctor, and McCoy could clearly see his confusion and worry. Emotionless my ass.

"Doctor," he ventured once Jim – no, Leighton, Thomas fucking Leighton – had left the room for a moment. "What has happened to the captain? And to Kabul?"

"It's a long story."

"Well, please, enlighten me," Spock added with gritted teeth.

Uhura stepped in; leaning forwards a little to better see her boyfriend. "It's bad, Spock. There's some kind of mind control device in his brain. Kirk has no control over his actions." Hearing this the other members of the team leaned in as well, Sulu with some difficulty McCoy noticed. He seemed to have been shot in the arm. The rest of them also looked pale and shocked, and McCoy distractedly wondered what exactly had happened outside.

"Who is controlling him?" It didn't really surprise McCoy that Spock had no trouble accepting the existence of the device.

"Thomas Leighton – he's a researcher on the Enterprise." At this there were looks of shock, and then rising anger.

"Are you certain?" Spock asked.

"That's who he declared himself to be. There could be a chance it's not him, of course."

McCoy shook his head. "No, Leighton makes the most sense really." He paused before continuing. Uhura, Sulu, and Spock already knew of Jim's time on Tarsus, but the others didn't. He decided to continue anyway. "He was there with Jim on Tarsus, and there's no way anyone else would know that much of what happened."

"This is about Tarsus?" Sulu asked, his voice surprisingly strong despite his injury.

Uhura nodded. "Yes.I'm still confused why he has such a grudge against Jim, but it has something to do with Tarsus. Whatever happened, Leighton's been planning this for a long time. He designed a sort of mind control device, which he's using on Kirk. They implanted it in the back of his neck."

McCoy cut in here. "It's all the way down to his spine – there's no way I could get it out safely without surgery."

Spock nodded gravely as Uhura continued. "From the way he was talking about it, Leighton has full control of Jim's body, but Jim's skills can still be called upon, like his ability at hand to hand and his aim."

McCoy looked once again at the first officer. "Whatever we do, we've got to do it fast. Jim's body was already weakened before Leighton took over – if he could feel any of that pain right now he'd be unconscious."

"Yes, Jeffersons attempted to stun the captain – Leighton – just now, but his body was not affected," Spock said.

"So even if we get out of these restraints, we can't just stun him? Do you think sedatives would work?" McCoy wondered.

"I wouldn't bet on it," Sulu replied, shifting his position and gritting his teeth.

Uhura looked back at Spock. "Spock – you've melded with Jim before – is it possible that you could do something? Like… help him take his mind back or something?"

"I don't know," Spock intoned. "It is highly possible that in attempting to reach Jim's mind, I would encounter Leighton's instead." He paused, looking up at their guards, who now had their backs turned on the group. "However, our first objective should be stabilizing our situation."

Sulu nodded. "We can't be much help if we're tied up here, now can we?"

McCoy looked down at the ropes covering his chest. "Hey, Spock –"

"All of you – shut your traps!" Jim's voice carried over the space as he entered the room once more. "Now, you may be wondering what you're still doing here. You know, why I didn't kill you. Well, that's because Jimmy has a very important choice to make." He chuckled softly. "You know, it's amazing to finally be at this point. To have the powerful James Kirk in my fist… I almost don't know what to do with myself."

"How 'bout let us go you fucking bastard," McCoy growled.

Leighton nodded serenely. "That may be happening very soon." Everyone's eyes raised in shock. "Or you could be blown up. It's all up to Jim."

McCoy scowled. "And what do'you think he'll choose?" he asked sarcastically. He kind of understood now why Jim always egged his captors on. It gave a kind of control to the situation.

Jim's shoulders shrugged. He looked up at the guards. "Get these people in the truck, and we'll find out just which side little Jimmy's really on. Who knows? You might just be surprised."


	11. Chapter 11

It was only a few minutes before they were loaded into a truck waiting outside. Uhura didn't know where they were going, or what was going to happen to Jim. All she knew was that it didn't look good. She kept thinking of Kirk's dead eyes as he shot down Kabul. And even though she knew it wasn't really him, she realized the sight might never leave her. Kirk was aggressive, sure, but he had never killed or even hurt anyone without a reason as long as Uhura had known him.

Leighton had said something about a choice… what did that even mean? She locked eyes with Spock as the truck shook over a rough patch in the road. His face was closed, and he didn't keep eye contact with her for long. She still had the hope that, with his melding, they would have a chance of saving Jim.

McCoy sat across from her on the floor of the truck, mumbling to himself and shaking his head. Every once in a while, Uhura could make out curses, but nothing more. She knew what was troubling him though. They were all upset.

Sulu was white faced, sitting in the corner. The bullet wound in his arm had mostly stopped bleeding, but he still kept his other arm wrapped around it tightly.

The other two security guys, Hanfred and Guiders, were sitting close to one another, their faces stony as they intermittently tried to get their hands out of the ropes securing them.

It was another five minutes before the truck stopped with a sudden jolt, and Uhura was pushed forward a few feet by the momentum. The back of the truck was opened up to reveal a view of the city. They were back on the crest of the hill, almost where they had been beamed down at the beginning of all of this. It seemed like that was so long ago. So much had happened in so little time, she almost wondered if it was really the next day, instead of the same day. She knew it really wasn't, though.

As she stepped out into the bright sun, she was momentarily blinded. But when she could see again, she almost cried out, her blood boiling.

McCoy couldn't keep from shouting. "You little fucker!" he screamed, and tried to fight his way to Leighton, who was standing next to another car. Jim was lying at his feet, and Uhura noticed he was twitching slightly. "Jim! Can you hear m –" McCoy was cut off with a guard's elbow to his stomach.

Leighton gave a little smile that made her want to punch his teeth out. All this time, they had trusted him, and he had been right there scheming, just waiting for his chance to take Jim out.

"Here will the final battle take place," the traitor said slowly. "We just have to wait a minute – Jimmy'll be up soon. And if he isn't, I suppose it doesn't matter that much. But he has to make a decision." As if on cue, Jim groaned and his eyelids fluttered.

"Jim!" McCoy managed to call out before another punch to the gut.

"Jimmy! How lovely to see you up." Jim's eyes closed again and Leighton kicked him in the ribs, making him groan and McCoy yell. The guards were barely holding everyone back, but Leighton didn't seem bothered by them. "All you need to do is answer one question for me." Leighton knelt down and said softly, "What do you want more? Your life, or theirs?"

Uhura could barely believe her ears. What kind of a question was that? And what was Leighton planning to do when he heard the answer?

"What?" Jim coughed, blood dripping from his lips, trying to push himself up. "What's going on?" He blinked and looked around, stopping to frown when he spotted Uhura and the others. "Spock? Sulu? What?"

Leighton grabbed Jim's collar and turned his face towards him. "Answer me, Kirk!" he yelled, and then softer, "Your life, or theirs? If you say them, they live, and you stay with me. Otherwise… well, I think you get the picture."

Jim looked at him for a moment, his face filled with hurt and confusion. "Tom…?"

"Yes, it's me! It was always me! Back on Tarsus, it wasn't just Kodos who saw you. I did too. I've been waiting, and now I've got you."

Jim's face was white, his lips bloodless. "I don't understand," he said weakly. Uhura's heart strained to see her usually stoic captain acting this way.

"Just answer the question!" Leighton snapped.

Jim's face was morphing from hurt to angry. "What do you want from me?" he growled desperately. "Whatever I say, it won't matter! Nothing will change!"

Leighton gave a small smile. "But it will change. I felt you fighting against me before. If you submit, I will have complete control."

"Why are you telling me this?"

Tom shrugged. "It's only fair you get to know the details of each side of the bargain." He stood up, staring down at the man who he pretended to care for for so long. "Just know that it's the city or you."

"What do you mean?"

"What I mean is that we have placed bombs in strategic areas all around the city." He pulled a communicator out of his pocket. "With one word, the whole city will be up in flames, and all of its people blown to bits."

Jim was struggling to keep himself up. "You're crazy!" He shook his head. "Tom, please, don't do this. The man I know would never do this. Please, just think for a second!"

Leighton frowned. "That's just it. You've never really known me. I've always known you – better than you know yourself, probably – but you've never known me. Only who I pretended to be for you. But the games are over. And you're running out of time. Now choose your path."


	12. Chapter 12

Jim wasn't really surprised. Everyone else had turned against him in his life – his father, his mother, Frank, Sam, Kodos – why not Tom? It only made sense. So there was no point getting too wrapped up in it. Instead, he focused on the faces of his friends – the ones who weren't going to betray him, as far as he knew, and felt the guilt rising to the surface. If he hadn't been so stupid, none of this would have happened. He could have come in more prepared. Hadn't he learned from his past? You should always expect the worst. His time with Starfleet had made him forget that somewhat, and he cursed himself for being so weak.

Now, he just had to say the word. Tom wasn't giving him a choice, though maybe he thought he was. What was a choice between thousands of lives and his own? He already knew what he was going to say – he just didn't know how to say it.

His thoughts were interrupted by another blow to his ribcage, and he leaned forward, groaning, blood dripping from between his teeth.

"Give me an answer!" Leighton yelled in his ear. Jim turned to him with the worst glare that he could muster.

"Fuck you," he snarled, and spat blood into Tom's face.

Leighton's face twisted, and he flipped open the communicator. "Wait!" Jim said.

Bones was fighting against his captor again. "Jim, no! Don't do this!"

Jim turned to face his friend, resigned, and tried to make his face as expressionless as possible. "I'm sorry."

Now it was Spock who called out to him. "Jim, you cannot. Stop this!"

He bowed his head. "If there's a chance, I have to do this," he replied softly. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the others being taken back to the truck. He didn't look up; fearing that one look in their eyes would make him back down on his decision. As it was, their voices were close enough to tearing down his conviction.

Tom, the little shit that he was, gave a smirk and revealed the remote that would set off the bombs.

"You know, it's almost too bad you're injured. We'll have to fix that soon," Tom said to him, leaning down to put a hand on his shoulder. Jim flinched away, giving him a hard glare, and his ex-friend put his hand back down, nodding. "I think Kodos would be proud of your decision, Jimmy."

Jim groaned. "Why, Tom? Why are you doing this? What do you want?"

"Of all of the time that I've known you, you were in the spotlight. Even though we were both on Tarsus, you were the one that Kodos wanted. You're no smarter than me – just lucky. Always lucky." His lips pressed together, a dark look passing over his face. "Now we're in the same position. You're captain, and I work in maintenance. You didn't even think me good enough for engineering, despite our time together!" He growled. "You could have said something – back when Kodos was in charge of our fate, and now, when Starfleet is. Then I could be the lucky one, and you could be off the hook, just like you always wanted. Why couldn't I be as lucky as you?"

Jim couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Lucky?" He said, his voice harsh and incredulous, yet he didn't yell. "You think I'm lucky? How? Tell me how! My father, despite everyone who thinks otherwise, was too dumb to find a way to live. My mother left me alone, never saw me, and instead left me with Frank. Then Kodos, who supposedly "chose me," tortured me for months. When I finally think I have my life right, Nero shows up and kills my friends. Then I die, and I come back before having to face your fucking ass. If you think I'm lucky, something in your head's not screwed right."

Leighton's face had gone blank, and he looked at Jim with only a sparkle of anger in his eyes. "I think we've talked enough, don't you?" He turned away and sat himself in the seat of one of the trucks, taking another remote out from his pockets. "You fight, and the city and your friends go down – by your hands. Your hands will be the ones that squeeze the life out from their lungs. So don't get any ideas."

Then Leighton closed his eyes, pressed a button on the new remote, and Kirk's world went dark.


	13. Chapter 13

He was in Iowa – running through the fields with his brother, coming back inside to a mom who wouldn't look him in the eye, and a stepfather who hurt him when he couldn't hurt Sam. But Sam read him stories, and taught him things, and that was nice. He loved them all – he didn't know anything else.

The breeze crossed his face as he looked out of his bedroom window at the fields outside their house. The stars twinkled outside, and he thought of his mother. Where was she? Why couldn't she be here with him? She had gone back to space, and taken Sam with her – he was gone too. Why couldn't he come too? He thought it was because his mom didn't love him. And that must have been it, because why else would he have been left with him?

He heard footsteps on the stairs and his lip trembled. He closed the window and the drapes quickly, crawling under his covers and pulling the blanket up over his head.

That didn't stop Frank from bursting in, light spilling into the tiny room as a growl spilled from his lips.

"Get the fuck out of bed, you little shit," Frank yelled, pulling him by the hair onto the floor. Jim cried out, trying to curl into the smallest ball that he could, his heart beating franticly. He felt the tip of a boot slam against his stomach, and fought the urge to retch.

"What the fuck did you do? Did you whine to your teacher about me? Huh?" Jim was pulled up by his collar and slammed against the bed. "I got a call today from your teacher. He said you didn't look so good. That he was worried. So I'm only gonna ask one more time. What did you say?" The smell of booze wafted from Frank's mouth and across his face, and he coughed miserably.

"I didn't say anything! I promise! Please, I promise!" Jim closed his eyes and winced against the inevitable punch. But instead he heard the unzipping of pants and felt hands at his waist. He didn't understand – what was happening? "Stop! Please! I didn't do anything!"

"Just shut up you little shit! You deserve this!"

And then all he knew was pain.

____________________________________

He was on Tarsus – he could smell the bodies, see the flames, hear the gunshots. His feet were bare as he ran through the woods, a small child on his back, a bag with a few cans of food stuffed in it grasped in his hand. He was gasping, his lungs burning, his eyes struggling to see in the dark. He knew someone was chasing him, and he had to get away. He had to stay safe.

Suddenly he felt his ankle give out under him, and released a harsh cry, stumbling to the ground. He dropped the bag and the child, rolling on his side and grasping his ankle. The boy – Kevin – looked at him with big round eyes.

"JT?" He asked shakily, his lip wobbling.

"Kev," Jim gasped. He could hear voices in the distance, pounding feet. "Get out of here. Take the food to the others. Run. Run! Run and don't stop until you get there."

"No…" Kevin sobbed, grasping his shirt with a painfully thin and trembling hand, tears running down his face. "I don't want to go."

"You have to. I can't go anymore, Kev. You need to do this. The kids back in the cave are depending on you now." He looked up at the weeping boy, who had his face buried in his shoulder. "Hey. Hey! Listen to me. Think of everyone else – Kimmy, Sam, Trevor, Hallie, Tom. You have to do this for them, and you have to do this for me. Now move! Get back to the cave, and don't stop running until you do."

Kevin hugged him tightly, his tears staining the already stained t-shirt Jim was wearing. "I love you, JT," he sobbed.

"I love you too, Kev." Jim's voice trembled, thinking of the kids he was leaving behind, and the pain he was sure to face when Kodos found him. "Now go."

Kevin released him and grabbed the bag of food, giving Jim one last tearful glance before running into the trees.

Only moments later, the men found him. Their lights shined brightly on his face, and when he looked up at them all he could see was the glint of their guns and their masks as they hauled him onto his feet and dragged him back to their base. He was strung up in front for a week, then taken down and brought to the basement. And for two months, he didn't see the sun. All he saw was darkness, and all he felt was pain.

___________________________________________

When he finally got out, he didn't think it was real. Men came to get him from the basement and he flinched away from their light and their touch, retreating into himself. He was so sick he had to stay in the hospital for another month. The only person who visited him was Pike, one of the men who had gotten him from the basement. Sam came once, but his mom never came at all. He carried what he learned from Tarsus with him: trust no one.

Pike tried to get custody, but Jim didn't want that. Or, he didn't think he did. He felt bad when he left, though. Not for long, but long enough that he contemplated turning back.

______________________________________________

Suddenly a bright light crossed his vision. He was looking out from his eyes, but it was like he had no control. He was moving, but he didn't know where he was going. He saw Bones, and Spock, and Sulu, and he tried to call out to them, to get them to help, but he couldn't make a sound. If he could've started breathing faster, he would've. It reminded him of Tarsus, how his body wouldn't respond to him when he tried to get it to cooperate.

He retreated back into his mind, and what he saw there made him lightheaded. Tom! He tried to call out, to make him understand, but still, he couldn't make a sound. Somehow, though, Tom spotted him, looked over and saw him floating there.

What was Tom doing there? Was he trapped too? But in Jim's mind… it didn't make any sense. Jim didn't like that. When he couldn't solve a puzzle, he got stressed. He was stressed.

Tom reached out to him, and his touch made him solid. Suddenly he had arms and legs, and they were walking around a great space. It was large and white, save for the chair that Tom sat in. There was light that came from nowhere, and Jim looked into Tom's eyes and remembered everything from Tarsus. He couldn't help it. He thought of running, of stealing food, and of Kodos looking over him with first interest and then stark disappointment, and then finally anger.

And then Jim remembered.

He remembered why Tom was there. Why his friends were outside, tied up and being marched back by his body to a waiting truck.

His features changed into a snarl, baring his teeth. His fist shot out, catching Tom in the face. Leighton stumbled back, grasping his nose. But somehow there was no sound. It was like watching a movie on mute.

They wrestled, trading punches and jabs. Tom had teeth knocked free, and Jim's nose broke, blood flowing freely. Leighton pushed him down to the ground and smashed his head against the ground. He rolled a little, dazed.

Then it was as if a switch was flipped, and suddenly he could hear again, and feel more deeply. "Jimmy," Tom said, "You told me you wouldn't fight. You told me, and now you know what I'm gonna have to do. Why couldn't you do just this? Do you not care about your friends? They'll all die if you keep fighting."

Jim only groaned, trying to work his way back onto his feet.

"Here: I'll give you one last chance. If you stop now, I won't do anything. I'll let them go free, and you and I can accomplish everything or anything we want. You're so tied up by Starfleet, now, Jim. They don't let you take chances; they keep you tethered with all their paperwork and meaningless missions." Leighton looked at him serenely, spreading his arms. "You can do so much, Jim; you just don't know it yet." Jim thought of his friends, tied up and – not necessarily helpless, but surely – trapped at the hands of Leighton's men, and his heart clenched. Then he thought of all that he had done for Leighton, and his anger swelled. How could this man, who he had given his life for, betray him like this? He may have deserved it from other people, but he had done nothing to Tom save help him when he could. And now he was being punished for that.

Jim pushed himself to his feet, his face a mask of hate. Then, without another word spoken, he rushed forwards and punched Tom straight across the face. The man fell to the ground unceremoniously.

"Fuck you, asshole," he slurred. The buzzing in his head had increased, and he raised a hand in front of his face. It was blurry and out of focus.

A hole opened beneath them, and then they were both falling into the black.


	14. Chapter 14

McCoy stared in horror as Leighton's face, and then Jim's, became blank and numb, their eyes closed. Then Jim began to stir again, eventually pushing himself up from the ground slowly. McCoy felt like his heart was being ripped out. Jim had given in; had given up his own mind, the one thing he kept guarded the most, in order to keep them and the city safe. He glanced around him, and saw the others wearing similar expressions.

Jim – or more accurately, Leighton, now in Jim's body – now stood up straight, seemingly unaware of the injuries he had acquired. He stretched his neck, and looked up at the group in front of him.

"No," McCoy whispered brokenly. This was terrible. This was worse than if Jim had even died. They still had Jim technically, but he wasn't there – not anymore.

A feeling he recognized as rage began bubbling inside his stomach as the guards paraded them back into the truck, and in defiance, he stopped, causing one guard to bump into him.

"Hey," the guard said. "What are you doing? Keep moving!"

Then, without even thinking of what the consequences would be, because who even gave a shit about that anymore, he turned and kicked the guard flat on his back.

"Agh!" the guard cried out as he hit the ground. "What the fuck? Grab him!" He shouted to his partners as they began to approach the doctor, menace in their eyes.

McCoy locked eyes with Spock, and then Sulu – and then chaos reigned.

He pushed forwards, knocking aside one soldier before reaching the one he had decked and kicking his straight in the face. Blood spurted from the guard's nose, and he felt bone crunch under his boot. The guard cried out again, a hand reaching to cradle his own face. McCoy never stopped moving, kicking his face again before sweeping the legs out from under a different soldier, sending them toppling as well. He heard shots fired, and at one point a sear of hot pain in his hand, but he kept going.

Sulu, Spock, and the others were having their own show as well, immediately moving into action after McCoy, not questioning him – or in Spock's case, declaring the unlikeliness of their success. They only attacked, bringing down guards and struggling to keep them down. Hanfred and Guiders work with their bonds earlier seemed to have done the trick, and after a minute they were able to pull themselves free. As soon as they did so, they worked on freeing the others, Sulu first, and then Uhura and McCoy. Spock managed to get himself out mostly on his own.

With his hands free, McCoy grabbed a gun for himself off of one of the guards he had brought down. Pushing his own morals into the depths of his mind, he shot freely, making sure to hit even the ones he had already brought down. He tossed another gun to Sulu, who did likewise, shooting the best he could even with the hole in his arm.

McCoy felt his heart beating wildly in his ears, and he barely heard as a soldier jumped him from behind. They fell hard, McCoy's already throbbing head striking the ground, his breath leaving him in a rush. He felt the cool bite of a gun's muzzle at his forehead, and a shot rang out.

But he wasn't dead.

Instead, the body on top of him collapsed, blood flowing from its side. McCoy pushed him off in disgust, and looked up to see Uhura with a gun pointed towards him.

"Thanks," he shouted, and she nodded tersely before turning to another man in front of her.

McCoy took that moment to look around, and to his surprise, they seemed to be winning. Spock was systematically bringing down soldiers, either with headshots or nerve pinches. Sulu was faring well even with the shot to his arm, and Hanfred and Guiders were working together to bring down whoever they could. Uhura was doing just as well, the pinpoint accuracy of her shots taking down whoever dared oppose her.

And then, for the second time in as many minutes, he felt the muzzle of a gun at his temple. An arm reached around his neck in a headlock, and the doctor cursed as he saw the color of the sleeve.

How could they forget about Leighton?

"Stop!" Jim's voice commanded, ringing over the scene, and McCoy straightened slightly at the tone. It was one the crew could never ignore – the voice of their captain. He saw the others turn slowly to face them, guns of course pointed in their direction – but he knew they would never fire. They couldn't, and McCoy understood that. It was Jim for Christ's sake.

"Nobody moves! This is not how this ends! You may have the upper hand now, but there are plenty of soldiers just over the hill, waiting for my call. You will never make it out of here alive." McCoy could feel the breath on his neck, and tried to imagine the scene differently. If this wasn't Jim, what would he being doing right now? What would be happening?

Jim would be saving his sorry ass, that's what would be happening, he thought wryly.

"Jim, please," he heard Uhura say, and felt Leighton's grip on him tighten.

"There is no more Jim you stupid bitch!" Leighton shouted. "He's gone – and never coming back!"

"Shut the fuck up!" Guiders roared, the hand that held the gun twitching as if preparing to shoot.

"I wouldn't, if I were you," Leighton warned, shoving McCoy forwards and pushing the gun deeper into his temple.

"What's stopping us?" said Sulu. "You yourself said Jim's never coming back – what do we have to lose?"

"Before your bullet even hit its mark your good doctor would be dead. Now get back into the fucking truck, or I swear to god –"

"You swear you'll what?" challenged Uhura. "What's the point in keeping us?"

"I'll need you as bargaining chips for supplies, starting with those vaccines you never bothered to deliver to this planet. And though Kabul may have been the one asking for it, I'd still like those dilithium crystals as well. Now move!"

"No," Spock replied levelly. "We will no longer be pawns in your game. We will –"

Jim fell to the ground, taking McCoy down with him, and he heard the shot of a gun next to his ear, sending waves through his fragile skull.

He pushed himself off quickly and looked down at Jim's body. His eyes were closed, as if in sleep, and McCoy pushed his fingers to his jugular, relieved when he felt a pulse, however weak it was.

But what the hell had just happened?

"Doctor?" he heard Spock's voice, and looked up to see the first officer kneeling in the dirt on Jim's other side. "What is happening? Has Jim's control returned?"

McCoy shook his head, still trying to clear the sound of the gunshot from his mind and ears. "I don't know for sure Spock, but what I do know is that we need to get back to the ship – ASAP. If Jim is in there somewhere, he won't be for long in this state, his body's about to crash on him. In fact, I'm surprised it hasn't already." He looked down into Jim's bloodied face, searching for movement. "Goddamnit you better be in there you sonovabitch," he muttered gruffly.

"I've got Leighton's communicator, and the bastard's tied up good!" Sulu yelled from a distance.

"Be sure to collect both remotes as well, Lieutenant," Spock ordered.

"Aye, sir!" Sulu replied, searching for the remotes, and being careful with the one he knew controlled the bombs in the city.

"Sulu, pass me that communicator, I'll see what I can do with it," Uhura called. Sulu nodded and rushed it over to her after securing the remotes in his pockets.

Meanwhile McCoy was watching over a quickly worsening Jim. He pressed down on the wound in his friend's stomach; cursing Leighton's crew for the number they'd done on him. It hadn't even been fucking necessary – the controller in his neck would have been enough. But apparently Leighton had some pretty fucked up fantasies. All this time, he had been waiting for the right moment to strike – had been anticipating and planning his attack on Jim – had even designed and built the controller that now lay lodged in his spine. And for all of that time Jim had trusted him, had seen his as one of the few people he could actually trust. Jim didn't even trust McCoy as much as he had trusted Leighton. It pained McCoy to admit it, but it was true. After living through something like Tarsus together, there was no way that Jim wouldn't trust him. Tom had been one of his kids, someone that he had loved and protected. And the entire time he had been working for Kodos – he even had his own plans for Kirk!

The whole thing made McCoy sick.

"Come on, come on, where's that transport?" McCoy snapped.

"I'm working on it!" Uhura bit back, her teeth clenched. "I think I've almost – aha!" she yelled triumphantly as a burst of static filled the air and she spoke into the comm – "Enterprise, do you copy. This is the landing team. Requesting immediate transport of all personnel back to the ship. We have a code gold – medical will be needed on arrival!"

There was another burst of static.

"Enterprise, do you copy?" Uhura repeated.

Then sweet music reached their ears, though it was garbled. "Landing team, we copy… have medical… arrival. Prepare… transport."

And with that, McCoy, for the first time, felt extremely happy as his molecules were separated and shot into space.


	15. Chapter 15

The lights were bright, the smell biting, and the beeping machines were worrying the hell out of him. But for the first time in what seemed like a long time – but wasn't, really – he felt in control. He was back on home turf, wearing the right uniform, playing hard ball.

When he looked down into his friend's guts, he felt a pit of unease in his stomach, but he ignored it – just like he always did in these situations. He ignored Jim's lifeless face at the end of the operating table with a tube down his throat. He didn't think about the fact that they hadn't even gotten to the fucking machine in his neck yet. Right about then he was just focused on the hole in Jim's gut.

"I need more suction!" McCoy called out, "Goddamnit, I can't see shit. Where is all this blood coming from?"

After coming back to the ship, Jim had been whisked down to medical. It looked like McCoy and Uhura's work on Jim before had slowed down his bleed, but after the latest round of action whatever they had done had been undone, and Jim was worse off than he had been before. There was a hole in his gut and his arm had a slash as well, though it was less serious. They would come back to it after Jim stabilized. McCoy had discovered to his relief that Jim's lung had in fact not been punctured – his neck had just been fucked completely, and not just from the device. Screaming had probably torn it. Small mercies, he supposed.

But before they could even worry about that, they had to patch up the hole in his gut. The wound was a clean stab in Jim's right side, tearing through his liver and nicking the intestines. It had taken a while, but two had been almost patched completely. Still, something else in there was bleeding heavily, and they had yet to find it.

Suddenly the beeping sped up.

"He's coding!" Doctor M'Benga said. He stood across the table from McCoy, his hands just as deep in Jim's gut.

"Get out, get out!" McCoy passed his tools to the tray and started compressions. Not again, his mind screamed. "Christine, pass me the paddles and charge." They were in his hand in a moment and M'Benga pulled out. "Clear!"

Jim's body shook with the shock and the doctors paused to wait for a rhythm. When nothing happened, McCoy frowned. "Shit, charge again."

He placed the paddles on his friend's chest and Jim was shocked again.

McCoy looked up and sighed in relief as the screens showed the heartbeat picking up again. He passed the paddles back to Nurse Chapel and picked up his tools again. They still had to stop this bleed.

"Christine, hang another unit? And push through some more antibiotics – who knows what the hell got in here."

"Yes, doctor."

After another few minutes, the tension broke. "I think I got it!" Doctor M'Benga said excitedly. "Yes, that's it – the kidney. It looks like there's a tear here, do you see that?"

"Yeah, I see it," McCoy responded, his voice tight. "Why the scans didn't pick that up, though…" his face creased in concentration. He looked up for a moment to see Chapel hanging another unit of blood. "Thanks Christine," he said. She only nodded, looking at Jim's face thoughtfully for a second before moving around to look at the back of his neck.

"What is this?" She asked, reaching forwards with a gloved hand to brush back Jim's hair.

"Uhura says it's a kind of communications device," McCoy responded. He hadn't wanted to think about this. About the fact that even if they saved him, Jim might not be there to save. "I can't say for certain how it does it, but that thing's controlling Jim's mind."

"What?" M'Benga and Chapel exclaimed simultaneously.

"And guess who was controlling him? Fucking Leighton!"

"Thomas Leighton?" Chapel cried, looking towards the doors. "But… but he's in engineering or something, right? I thought he and the captain knew each other!"

McCoy scoffed. "Oh, they know each other, alright. But not in the way Jim thought that they did."

"What do you mean?" M'Benga said, his eyes still wide, though his hands hadn't stopped in their movement.

McCoy paused, scowling at the thought of Leighton, Jim's supposed friend, siding with Kodos – the bastard who had killed thousands of people. "That's not really for me to say. Just know he's a fucking asshole. He's down in the brig now."

"Sir, he's not in the brig," Chapel said slowly.

"What?" McCoy snapped.

Chapel looked distraught, her eyes locked on the doors to the operating room. "I saw him outside earlier when I went to get blood – on one of the bio beds."

"What?" McCoy repeated. "What the hell is he doing up here?"

"There were a bunch of people around him – I wasn't paying to close attention, but he looked asleep or unconscious."

"Leonard," he heard M'Benga say in a low voice, and he looked down to see that his hands were shaking. "Leonard, just step back for a second – I can handle this."

"No, no. I can handle this. I need to do this. I can do this."

"The kidney's patched up," M'Benga pointed out. And it was true. The bleeding had stopped. "I can close up. Just step back, Leonard."

"I'm okay!"

"No, you're not," the other doctor replied bluntly, and McCoy looked up to see a set of steely eyes looking back at him. "Now step back. All we need to do is close. Jim will be fine. Go take care of yourself."

McCoy swallowed and resignedly put his tools back on the tray, stripping his scrubs as he walked towards the doors.

What Chapel had said was right. Leighton was lying on a biobed, surrounded by guards and handcuffed to the rail. It took restraint for him not to rush at him and strangle him to death for what he had done to Jim. But who knew if that would even really get rid of him. He might have to kill Jim to really get rid of that son of a bitch.

Instead he walked over to Sulu, who was a couple of beds down, his arm wrapped tightly in gauze and pulled up in a sling. The lieutenant was looking around uncomfortably, wincing slightly as he shifted in the bed.

"Don't even think about leaving, Sulu," McCoy called out to him.

"Dr. McCoy!" Sulu exclaimed. "I just – he – is Jim…?" he stuttered, his brows creased with worry.

"No, Jim's going to be fine," McCoy said roughly.

"And the mind control, doctor?"

McCoy jumped when he heard Spock's voice behind him, and turned to see the resident Vulcan standing behind him. "Good god, Spock. A little warning?"

"Doctor," Spock insisted.

He shook his head. "We haven't even started on that yet. He needs to be more stable, and we need a ton of scans before we can attempt anything. No way in hell am I going in there blind."

Spock nodded. "Leighton was at first brought to the brig, but was moved up here because of his current state. From what I can gather, he first became unconscious when he took control of the captain's mind, so it makes since that he would not awaken until his presence has been removed."

McCoy considered this, before looking up and saying, "Well how the hell are we gonna do that?"

"I assume you are aware of Vulcans' ability to connect with the minds of others, doctor?"

"Yeah, Jim told me about that voodoo your other self did to him during our fight with Nero."

"It is not, as you say, 'voodoo,' though in fact the two share one simple characteristic. It is simply – "

"Spock, I know what you mean. What are you gettin at?" McCoy cut in impatiently.

"What I am saying is that I could use a mind meld to discover the extent of Leighton's control over Jim, and to perhaps assist in the extraction of Leighton's mind."

McCoy looked at him. "Spock, what – who knows what that would do – to either of your minds?"

"Doctor, it may be the only way to help him."

McCoy scowled. "I don't want to try it unless we have no other option."

Spock looked about as frustrated as a Vulcan can look, but he didn't say anything in return.

The doctor ran a hand through his hair in frustration, the familiar ache in his chest he always felt when Jim was in these sorts of situations increasing. "Spock, if it comes down to it, we will. But I don't want to take any unnecessary risks! Not with this. Not with –" he cut off brokenly.

Spock's gaze softened. "I understand. I do not wish to harm Jim – I only desire his full recovery."

The corner of McCoy's mouth twitched in a small smile, though it fell quickly. Vulcans don't have feelings his ass. No one fretted over Jim more than McCoy, but Spock would have to be second. He just couldn't express it as well. "Me too, Spock," he replied softly, "me too."

"Hey doc," Sulu interrupted, seemingly unaware of the moment happening between his superiors. "Do you know when I'm allowed to leave?"

McCoy scowled as he looked over, grateful for the distraction. "Shut it, will you lieutenant?" After taking a look at Sulu's arm he finished, "You should consider yourself lucky this didn't go through the bone. But you'll have to stay for another round of antibiotics, just to be safe."

Sulu nodded as he looked down thoughtfully at the wound in his arm.

"Where did Uhura and the others go, anyway? Shouldn't they be down here, too?" McCoy asked, moving back towards Spock.

"Lieutenant Uhura is resting in her quarters, and Hanfred and Guiders are finishing their statements."

"Right, I –" he broke off as he suddenly swayed drunkenly, his headache making itself known again.

"Doctor?" Spock placed a hand on his shoulder. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, I just –" then his stomach twisted sickeningly and he was barfing on the floor next to Spock's shoes.

A nurse came running up to them and pulled McCoy over to a biobed, disregarding his protests entirely. He had trained his staff too well.

"Doctor McCoy, can you hear me?" he heard the nurse – Turon – saying. A bright light flashed in his eyes one at a time. "Pupil reaction is a little slow. It looks like you've got a concussion, sir."

"Mm – I'm gonna –" a tray was shoved under his nose right before he threw up again. The backs of his eyes ached. He could feel the prick of a needle at his neck, and then at his wrist, and felt the pain ebbing.

"Just try to get some rest, sir," Turon said

"But Jim –"

"I'll wake you up when he gets out of surgery. Just rest."

And he didn't know if it was the meds, or the concussion, or just because he was straight up exhausted, but he fell asleep before he could even open his mouth again to protest.


	16. Chapter 16

Spock entered sickbay and walked up to the Captain's biobed cautiously, attempting to make as little noise as possible so as not to awaken the doctor. McCoy's limbs dangled from his chair – save for the one that rested on the biobed, a few inches from Jim's hand – and his mouth was agape. There was a spot of drool on the collar of his blue uniform. His face was unshaven and his hair unkempt and he looked just in general absolutely terrible, Spock observed with the slightest of frowns.

However, he could not really blame the doctor – he had been working incredibly hard over the last few days, attempting all that he could to awaken the still unconscious and coma ridden captain.

Preliminary scans of Jim's brain had found it wildly fluctuating between intense response to stimulus and worrisome periods during which his reactions dipped closely to an almost comatose state. Two days later, the doctor had retrieved all of the information he believed he needed for a removal of the communication device lodged within Jim's spine. However, after the device had been removed, it took only an hour for Jim to become completely comatose, with no response to pain or light.

Believing he was to blame, McCoy locked himself in his quarters for a good six hours, during which there were periods of both silence and crashing, probably from the destruction of furniture or other possessions.

After shaking himself out of his, as he called it, "funk," the man proceeded to spend the next twenty four hours, with the help of Spock, laboring over attempts to reawaken the captain and researching the communications device.

After dissecting the device and scans taken of it while it had been in Jim's spine, Spock had learned that the insidious thing used a retractable needle to insert itself into the spinal cord and release a wave of drugs infused with nanites that would only be activated with the remote controlled by Thomas Leighton (A man who in fact was also still unconscious, and was being kept under guard on the other end of sickbay). However, even with the use of the remote they found that the captain would not wake.

The idea that his captain's brain had been compromised was a painful one. On Vulcan, such an offense was even greater than that of physical assault. To have one's mind violated, especially a psi-null such as Jim Kirk, was both physically and emotionally scarring.

Add to that the indication that Leighton might still be locked within the captain's skull, and Spock was feeling rage towards Leighton unlike anything he had felt since his encounters with Khan. Leighton had used Kirk's past to gain his trust and slip under his guard like a tick or some other seemingly harmless being, then proceeded to take absolute advantage. Spock knew that, should the captain wake, the efforts they had taken to get him to trust people would be reversed. Leighton's betrayal would have him second guessing everyone.

However, that problem could wait for now. The most important issue was getting Jim to awaken. And Spock thought he knew what to do.

\-----------------------------------------

It took several hard pokes, a jostle, and a slap to the face from one of the nurses to get McCoy to wake up. And though Spock hated to deprive the doctor of the sleep that was necessary for him, he felt that there was no time to delay.

They moved to the doctor's office. McCoy blinked hazily at him from behind his desk, and said gruffly, "Get on with it, Spock. I don't got all day."

"I believe the word is have, doc –"

"Spock."

"Very well. Do you remember what I told you about Vulcan mind melds? I believe that the time has come to try."

McCoy shook his head. "Spock, we've talked about this. It was dangerous before he was unresponsive, and now – it could be like jumpin' into an empty abyss."

Spock's lips thinned. "From the tests we have run, I believe it is the only feasible option we have left besides simply waiting. We should not be afraid to try this, Doctor."

McCoy sighed, and the room was silent for a minute. Finally, he spoke up. "Spock, are you sure? You're experienced in this, or - ?" he paused. "I just – this is kind of foreign territory for me here, and Jim… I don't want to risk anything."

"This will be a risk, doctor. But a risk I believe is worth taking."

The Doctor simply looked at him for a moment before nodding. "Alright, Spock. I'm trusting you on this one. But we need to be careful here." He stood up. "You should probably do this soon, I suppose. Is there anything you need from me?"

Spock turned towards him. "Actually, I was hoping you would join me."

"Sorry, what?"

"Jim has… always been more responsive – emotionally, towards you, and so he will likely be more drawn to your presence than to mine."

McCoy slammed a fist against the desk and stood up quickly. But instead of yelling, he covered his mouth with his hand suddenly and turned, looking through the windows of his office at his best friend.

"Okay," he spoke finally, and swallowed roughly. "Are you sure this is safe? This ship doesn't need all of its XO's down for the count."

"Unfortunately, there is no good way to know."

"Well, conjecture Spock! Isn't that what you're good for?"

Spock didn't reply, and simply let the doctor stand for a minute. "Sorry, Spock. I'm sorry. This whole thing's got me wound tighter'n..." He drifted off, and nodded. "But okay. If this is what it takes, I'm all for it. There's no way that bastard's winning," he finished, glancing at Leighton's bed.

Spock nodded. "I will go prepare, and will be at the Captain's bedside in an hour."

\--------------------------------------------

True enough, an hour later Spock had meditated and prepared as best as he could for the occasion and McCoy had prepped Jim and himself as well as he knew how. M'Benga hadn't reacted to the plan smoothly, but he had agreed in the end nonetheless, and would be close by. Nurses were standing by in case of any other emergencies.

"So, how does this work?" McCoy sounded uncomfortable, and he shifted on his seat.

Spock remained motionless, closing his eyes for a moment to consciously block McCoy's feelings. "The method is quite simple, really. It involves contact with the captain's psi points, as well as your own, and my sustained concentration."

"Worst case scenario, what happens to us?"

"We all end up in comatose states."

McCoy coughed and dismissed M'Benga's last attempt to dissuade him. "Sounds reasonable enough."

"We should begin." Spock raised his hands, placing one on the captain's face and hovered the other in front of McCoy's before seeing a small nod of consent from the doctor. As he placed his fingers on the man's psi-points, his eyes closed and he slipped into a meditative state, his mind reaching to the tips of his fingers and gently prodding the minds of the men he was now connected to. The response from McCoy was surprisingly immediate. Their minds fused and together they reached for Jim's mind.

\---------------------------------------------------

What they found was something Spock had never felt before, something incredibly interesting yet incredibly frightening. It felt empty – no. Not exactly empty. There was light, but it was dim. It was more like a spare room then a barren wasteland.

He could feel McCoy's confusion and worry, and truthfully he was feeling some of that himself, though the doctor would never know.

They pressed forwards, probing spaces and turns, looking for life. They moved faster and faster, so fast that they almost tripped over it.

A huge black space. A pit, and at the bottom: two bodies. Leighton and Jim.

A flash of terror from McCoy, and without a single hesitation, they jumped in. Spock saw McCoy become less of a thought and more of a form as they fell, and Spock did the same. The fall was longer than they anticipated, and it was with a slight jolt that they stopped in front of the body of James Kirk.

McCoy crashed to his knees and pressed his fingers to the captain's neck. When he found none, he looked to Spock desperately.

"Calm down, doctor," Spock stated clearly. "Normal laws do not apply here. Even we will not have a pulse." McCoy checked his own wrist in response, and when Spock's statement turned out to be true, he placed his hands back on the captain's face.

"Jim! Come on, kid, wake up for us." He slapped Jim's face lightly. "Come on, you can do it." Miraculously, the captain's eyes fluttered. But at the same time, Leighton began to move.

Spock turned to the other body. The body of the man who had invaded the mind of his friend and caused them all so much pain. Just like McCoy and himself, Leighton's conscious was here. They had to find a way to remove it and return the man to his own body. One body controlled by two wasn't one that could function. Clearly this was why Jim had been unable to rise from his coma. But how would they remove him?

He bent down and grabbed the traitor's arm as his eyes blinked open. When they cleared, his face morphed from confused to calmly blank.

"Well well, is it the captain's side kick's come to save the day?"

"Silence," Spock growled. "You have done enough damage." He turned his head and saw Jim struggling to sit up, the doctor's hand on his back.

"Jim, talk to me," McCoy almost pleaded.

Jim blinked and focused on the face of his friend. "Bones?" McCoy reached forwards and pulled Kirk into a tight embrace.

Spock could feel relief pouring off of the older man, and felt his own at once in equal measure.

When McCoy pulled back, Jim stuttered, "Bones, what – what are you doing here? How – where even are we?" He added, looking around at the black space they occupied.

"I've got no clue," McCoy admitted. "Best as I can say, we're inside your head."

Jim stared at him. "Wait – is this a mind meld? Why are you…?"

"You weren't waking up. We had to do something. Spock brought me here – used his voodoo magic and whooshed us to find where the hell your mind had hidden out."

"Spock?" Jim turned and caught Spock's eye. "Spock!" He grinned. But when he saw the man Spock was holding his grin faded; his smile slipped into a scowl.

"Jim," McCoy cautioned.

"You little fucker," Jim growled, pushing himself to his feet.

Spock felt the former crewman rise as well, and his grip tightened on the man's arm.

"Jimmy, calm down a second," Leighton said. "There's nothing here –"

Now it was McCoy who yelled, "Are you fucking crazy? Shut the hell up before we destroy you right here you bastard!"

Leighton turned to Spock, whose hands were holding the man's shoulders in a death grip.

"I would recommend the same thing," Spock stated dangerously, his eyes flashing.

Leighton's eyes turned frightened, and Spock couldn't help but feel satisfaction.

"Now that we've got that covered, how the fuck do we get out of here?" McCoy said.

"We simply go back where we came from. The difficult part will be putting Leighton back into his own body."

Spock could feel a flash of fear from Jim. "Wait, you're leaving?"

McCoy looked at Jim softly. "Of course, kid." He scoffed. "We can't just camp out in your brain forever."

Jim's eyes flashed to Spock before returning to McCoy. "But…"

"What, Jim?"

Jim swallowed, and said quietly, almost inaudibly, "What if I don't wake up?"

"Aw Jim," McCoy muttered, and put a hand on his friend's shoulder. "You're gonna wake up, ya hear?"

Jim's lips tightened and his nodded. "Ok."

With that utterance, the four of them were less than shapes once again, soaring out of the hole that had trapped Jim. They left him at the front of his mind, well out of the way of that pit, and then Spock was in his body once again and removed his fingers from the faces of his friends. Without pausing to answer to the questioning faces of the nurses and doctors around them, he stood and walked over to the figure of Thomas Leighton lying prone on his hospital bed. Placing his fingers at his psi-points, he released Leighton back into himself.

When he turned back to Jim's bed, all eyes were on the bio bed.

Jim was waking up.


	17. Chapter 17

As much as McCoy hated it, Jim was a master at hiding what he felt. There had been too many times when he had been hurt, mentally or physically, and had been too stubborn to let anyone – specifically McCoy – know about it. And this time was no different.

Leighton, the sick bastard that he was, had been moved down to the cell block as soon as he had awoken, which had been right after Jim. There had been a moment when the two of them were both awake, just looking at each other with rage. And maybe it was the drugs, but as soon as Leighton was taken away, there was a change in Jim's face – from rage to sadness. But then again, McCoy didn't think it was the drugs.

Jim was healing – physically, at least – surprisingly quickly. However, he spent the first four days in sickbay after waking up in a drug addled haze, usually muttering to himself or dozing off. This wasn't unusual. Jim had a pretty high tolerance for drugs, but after a certain level it was like they affected him way too much – so he was either in pain or loopy as hell. And when Jim had hurt himself this bad, McCoy would much rather he be a little high. What was more worrisome was how he acted around others.

As a person, Jim was touchy and relished connections with others. And now he did what he could. He smiled when it was called for, and talked as best as he could with the crew members who dropped by to say hello. But McCoy couldn't help noticing that Jim would flinch when he touched him, and stayed quiet when other people weren't around. He was being complacent, and that felt weird. A quiet Jim was just wrong. That's how he went if he was really upset.

McCoy walked up to Jim's biobed. "Hey, kid," he said cheerfully, shaking Jim out of his thoughts. "How're you feeling?"

"Crappy. Can we stop these meds already?" Jim replied, scowling.

McCoy looked over his chart. "Hey, lighten up! We'll slow 'em down tomorrow, ok? I just don't want you feeling that hole in your gut."

Jim sighed and looked past McCoy before frowning and seemingly forcing himself to focus on his friend's face. "How's Leighton?"

"Don't worry about him. He's getting his just desserts. You just need to focus on getting better."

Jim's scowl deepened. "I don't need you treating me like I'm about to break. I can handle myself."

McCoy rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah."

"I've been through this before. This is nothing new."

"What's nothing new?" the doctor frowned.

Jim looked away. "I should have seen it coming. This is all my fault," he added bitterly.

"No!" uttered McCoy, feeling his heart twist in his chest. It was true that Jim ended up in a few too many messes, but as much as he liked to gripe Jim couldn't be blamed for what had happened to him. He turned Jim's chin towards him. "Look at me. None of this is your fault. Not your parents, Frank, or Kodos. And not Leighton. You did everything you should have done. You took care of a boy on Tarsus who was struggling to stay alive, and you brought him under your wing years later on this ship. Leighton did a brilliant job of hiding who he really was, but he wasn't the man you believed. You did nothing to ask for what he did to you, ya hear me?"

But instead of the response he was hoping for, Jim shook himself out of his friend's grasp and looked down at the bedsheets silently.

"What is it?" McCoy asked softly, sitting in the chair beside his friend's bed. As he watched Jim's face closely, he was shocked to see tears gathering at the corner of his eyes. He reached forward to put a hand on his back, but Jim flinched away and blinked quickly, and he brought it back to his lap. "Please, Jim. Talk to me."

There was a long pause and Jim took a shaky breath. "How do I know?"

"How do you know what?" Leonard responded quickly.

Jim looked at a space by his feet. "If I can trust you?"

McCoy felt like someone had stolen his breath, and he remembered vividly Leighton telling him how Jim would never truly trust him. At this point, he didn't blame him. How many people had betrayed Jim's trust at this point?

"Listen, Jim," he said softly. "I want you to know, even if you don't believe me now, that I will never take advantage of you. How anyone could is beyond me. There's nothing I've worked harder for or appreciate more than your trust in me, however much that is. And even if you don't trust me now, I'll understand. I can wait to prove to you that I won't turn my back on you. I promise."

Jim's breathing hitched, and he started crying silently. This time, when McCoy went to hug him, he didn't pull away.

\------------------------------------------------------

Spock watched silently as Jim performed his duties on the bridge. It had been three weeks since Jim had regained consciousness, and Doctor McCoy had cleared him for light duty. The Captain sat in his chair, reading files and acquisitions and approving changes. He seemed calm and composed, yet drawn. He was thinner than he had been before his encounter with Leighton, and Spock wondered if he had been eating enough. He would have to ask the Doctor.

The most startling thing, however, was how familiar this scene looked to him. The lights of the ship, the sounds of working crew members, and the pale face of his captain. Spock frowned as Jim reached up to pinch the bridge of his nose and he realized with clarity that nothing had changed. Before they had ever gone down to Georgianna, and before Jim had been met with the betrayal of his friend, he had been the same. Though he hid them well, Spock knew what to look for – the persisting headaches, the thin features, and the tired eyes were all too familiar signs of Jim's discomfort.

Jim had been laden down with work before, and now he was laden down with something much worse – his own thoughts.

After Jim's shift ended, he passed on the conn and left the room via the turbolift. Spock followed closely behind, and the door closed just as Spock stepped in.

Jim looked up at his first officer. "What is it Spock?"

Spock looked carefully into the eyes of his friend and cursed himself for not being more aware. He knew that psychic attacks left deep scars that took long to heal. He had offered his services to Jim, of course, but the captain had refused, and Spock had not pushed the matter any further. But he knew now that he should have. He had not seen what was happening in Jim's mind since they had removed Leighton. Who knew what Jim had begun thinking about the event.

"Spock?"

Spock blinked. "I wish to offer up my services again to you, Captain. I know better than most the effects of a psychic attack, and using a mind meld could assist you in the healing process."

Jim's features went hard. "Spock, we've been over this. I can handle this on my own."

"But why do you need to?"

Jim's mouth opened, and then closed again. "I need to do this alone because I need to know how to do it."

Spock's eyebrows contracted. "Captain, you know I will always be available to assist you, should anything like this happen again. You need not suffer in silence."

"That's my point! What if I need to do this on my own, because –" Jim broke off and pressed his lips into a firm line. But Spock understood what he was trying to say.

"You mean, what if I was the one who hurt you?" he said softly. Jim's silence was answer enough. "Jim, I know you have suffered greatly at the hands of those you trusted most, but believe me when I say that there is nothing I would not do to keep you safe, and no scenario where I would break your trust."

Jim looked up at him, his gaze softer now. "I know that, Spock. And I know that Bones would never take advantage of me, or Sulu, or Uhura, or Chekhov, or anyone else on this ship. But I knew that about Tom, too. How am I supposed to rely on you when relying on you could mean this story starts all over again?"

Spock nodded. "Sometimes a leap of faith is a necessary evil. If you never trust us completely, there is nothing we can do to show you that we will never betray you. Yet you may see that if you do put your trust in us, you will see what has always been there. It is a choice you must make, and I trust you to make the right one." Jim frowned and said nothing. "Let me know if you would like my help to advance your healing. I will see you back on the bridge soon."

The turbolift had been dinging for them to get out for some time now, and when Jim did the doors slid closed again, taking Spock back to the bridge.

\-----------------------------------------------

Bones and Spock had asked him to join them for dinner, but instead Jim stared at his dark ceiling, considering the empty place in his heart.

As a child, Jim had been malleable and sweet natured and trusting. He did what he was told and tried his best to get others to love him. When Frank first arrived in the Kirk household, he had been a welcome presence for Jim. Unlike his mother and his brother, Frank paid attention to him, and at first Jim had relished his care. But when Frank began to drink, Winona never came back from her voyage, and Sam ran away, Jim had experienced his first instance of betrayal.

When Captain Pike visited one Christmas to find the house deserted save for a man unconscious in his own vomit and a boy nursing his wounds in the corner, Jim found himself on Tarsus, and Frank found himself behind bars. Kodos was a kind man. He taught Jim a great many things, and again Jim sought out the attention and love that he had been deprived of for so long. And this time, when he found himself in Kodos' basement being tortured over stealing food to help his friends, he became someone different. Someone with a hard outer shell who wouldn't turn to anyone for help.

Except Tom had already been attached to Jim before that shell was formed, and the events on Tarsus had only made Jim trust in the boy more. Anyone who had shared in that horrible time was someone who could be trusted. At least, that's what he thought.

By the time Jim began at Starfleet academy, his shell was as tough as armor. But that didn't stop the irascible Doctor McCoy from wriggling his way into Jim's heart. And soon after Spock and the rest of his crew followed.

But after Tom's betrayal, how did he know he could trust anyone? If someone who lived through Tarsus with him, someone he had trusted with his life, could betray him, why couldn't anyone else?

And yet ... had he trusted Tom with his life?

Yes, they had lived through Tarsus together, but Jim had never depended on him to do anything. It was always Jim doing things for Tom, not the other way around. And it wasn't like Jim minded it that way, but now that he considered it, he could see cracks in Tom's persona.

Yet when he considered Bones and Spock, he saw none of that. He had put his life in the hands of both, and both had done what they could to save him. Bones had saved his life literally many times, and the two of them had risked their own sanity to save what was left of his when the melded with him.

As these thoughts filled his brain, Jim began to feel something warm flickering in his cold heart, and suddenly he wanted to be with them. He got up and went to join his friends – his brothers.

THE END


End file.
